The Road I'm On
by Gulldara
Summary: Lily Evans is a sixth year plagued by insecurities and the ever-growing instability of her mind. When Lucius Malfoy makes her an offer that she simply can’t refuse, she unwittingly involves herself in a far more sinister plot. No LuL, eventual LJ pairing.
1. Ticket to Heaven

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing you recognise. Anything you don't recognise is most likely to be from my twisted imagination and therefore should not be taken.

**Summary:** Plagued by mental instability Lily Evans is an insecure 6th year falling pray to Lucius Malfoy, who makes her an offer almost too good to be true. Unbeknown to her, however, his intentions are of a far more sinister kind… No Lu/L. LJ, eventually.

**Warnings: **Before you start reading please be aware that this story is rated M for a reason. The Road I'm On contains SI, swearing, violence, sexual references galore. Specific warnings for chapters will be stated when they're needed.

**A/N: **This story was formulated in the spur-of-the-moment and, unlike so many other spur-of-the-moment ideas that have appeared, I was handily already sitting at the computer. **Warnings:** Light violence and swearing, fairly graphic SI. (Self-Injury)

**The Road I'm On**

**Chapter 1:** _Ticket to Heaven_

_By Gulldara_

She was on the run again. She was always running, never stopping, never pausing for thought or breath. Running was the one thing Lily Evans did best. Although it was possible to refer to her running as a physical activity, it was more mentally concerned. She had built up an intricate fortress with high walls and guard towers, alarm systems that rang shrilly in her head every time someone approached her with their to-good-to-be-true intentions. She was always defensive, always keen to run just that little bit further away from the grasp of her chaser. She didn't want to be run down to the point where she was cornered, her walls destroyed and her sheer emotional and mental fragility left on public display.

Lily had been born on underbelly of York to Rosalia and David Evans on the 12th of April 1960. Her mother was a shrieking half-demented activist who campaigned with Greenpeace against the current government and their detrimental policies on her beloved countryside. She spent her days organising meetings and planning the latest campaign targets. On the days she wasn't doing either of the aforementioned activities she was out of the house attending rallies and picket lines across the country, leaving her two daughters and husband at home.

Her father, on the other hand, was a writer. He spent most of his time in the shed at the bottom of the garden, surrounded by piles of half-finished manuscripts that he had discarded over the years because they had never been good enough. He was a perfectionist, yet he could never seem to find the right balance between perfection and a good, attention grabbing plot. Often his perfected works were all too boring to be even considered for publishing and the most exciting plots had too many flaws for his liking.

Completing Lily's family was her older sister, Petunia. She was an angular, sulky looking girl with her father's tendencies of perfectionism and a brain that was meant for gossip. Lily could remember the times when her and Petunia had gotten along fairly well, with the odd sibling spats every now and then. When her sister had reached her teenage years they had begun to part, finding each other either too young in maturity or too boring and unenthusiastic with age. Lily had started Hogwarts three years later and the deep divide between the two sisters didn't seem to be getting any narrower, each distancing themselves from the other with bad grace.

Now in her sixth year at Hogwarts, Lily was withdrawn and sunken. She was terrified of the night, terrified of the war that was raging around her, the war her parents- her family knew nothing of. She hated her persistent visions of returning to her family home in the summer and finding it destroyed, a pearly green image flickering above the house and the skull that bore the serpent from it's mouth winking down at her. She hated the vicious nightmares that riddled her sleep, causing her to toss and turn and wake up in cold sweats and often found herself staying up all night unable to sleep for fear of the nightly terrors that invaded and raped the ever growing instability of her mind.

* * *

Lily sat with her back resting against the rough bark of a pine tree, legs crossed in front of her and a book resting on her lap. It was an early October evening, and as much as she despised being outside, she had found it to be better then her previous dwelling of the school Library. She turned the page of _Pernicious, Nonsensical Wizards and Witches Through the Centuries; A Comprehensive Guide by A.R. Keefe_ and resumed her reading.

A dark shadow fell across the small printed text, causing her to jump with shock, making a little outcry as she did so. Looking up she found Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year Slytherin, bearing down on her with his wand out. Her eyes widened in alarm and she scrambled to her feet, letting the book fall to the floor with a discordant _thud_.

He smirked, the corners of his lips twitching. Bending down he picked up the book, brushing off the dirt and inspecting the title before looking back at her. Lily stood there stiffly, her fists clenched and her expression unsure. The blonde haired Slytherin held out the book for her to take. She eyed him wearily and then snatched it back, pressing it to her chest protectively.

"Tut, tut," Lucius admonished, "What kind of behaviour is that for such a young _Lady."_ Lily chose to ignore this remark and glared pointedly at him, all the while wondering what Lucius Malfoy could ever want with her.

"What do you _want_?" she said, her voice cold and clipped, not betraying the fear she felt rush through her as the older boy regarded her with his wand. He laughed softly and walked closer to her; she flinched slightly and shrunk back, intimidated by his stature.

"Lily, Lily, Lily," he said, patronisingly. "What I want," he paused, "What I want is to make you an _offer_." Lily's mind reeled. An offer? He wanted to make her an offer? It was almost laughable. A pureblood Slytherin wanted to make her, a lowly Mudblood and unworthy Gryffindor, an offer?

Suddenly she realised her mistake in even letting him tell her what he wanted. "I don't want offers from patronising, insufferable gits like you," she snarled bravely, beginning to step away and up towards the castle, which would offer her a little more protection from Lucius Malfoy and his wand. She felt a strong hand clasp around her wrist and jerk her round.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, you filthy little Mudblood," Lucius seethed, wand pointed in her face. Lily fought against his grip, panicking.

"Get off, get off!" she pleaded, terrified of what he was going to do to her. Nothing Lucius Malfoy had ever done was pleasant, or so she had heard from the rumourmongers. In fact, it was widely believed that Lucius Malfoy was a Death Eater: a loyal servant to the Dark Lord.

"Shut up," he growled, shaking her. "Shut up! Now you listen to me, Evans."

Lily was rigid as he pinned her crossed arms to her sides and shook her slightly, his face flushed with anger and his normally cool composure diminished. "I came here to make you an offer and I'm going to fucking well make it, now listen and listen good. Understand?" Lily nodded mutely, her eyes wide with fear. "Good," he said, breathing hard and letting her go with a little shove. Lily stumbled, almost falling over. By the time she had regained her balance, straightened her crumpled robes and picked up her book, Lucius had regained his pale face and imperturbable demeanour. He was watching her in a mute silence before glancing about to make sure there were no other students around to disturb them.

"I know you have nightmares, Lily," he began softly, so softly Lily had to strain her ears to hear him. She opened her mouth in surprise, how could he possibly know?

"They're just nightmares," she said, her voice oddly high pitched and a definite quiver to it. "Just-just normal nightmares, them everybody has." In her nervousness she had fumbled over her words, making it sound like complete babble. She laughed falsely. "I mean, everybody has them."

Lucius smirked. "But they aren't normal, are the Lily? You know that as well as I do, there's no point in denying that your- ah, _nightmares_ are highly unusual." Lily shook her head and became increasingly aware that she was trembling despite it being a warm night out. He knew- he _knew_! How could he have possibly known? Nobody knew; nobody took an interest in _her_, unless it was to make fun. She had gotten used to her nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, she had gotten used to nobody comforting her as she cried silently, burying her face in her pillows to muffle unwanted sobs. She had gotten used to nobody caring.

"I've been watching you for _months_, Lily," Lucius said smoothly, his voice sending a chill down her spine, hairs on the back of her neck prickling with discomfort.

"Y-you h-have?" Lily stuttered in disbelief, clearly uncomfortable with the mere thought of Lucius Malfoy watching her for months on end. He nodded and tilted his head slightly, as if trying to get a better perspective of her.

Lily fiddled with a stray thread on the sleeve of her robe, desperate to be out of Lucius Malfoy's presence and into the, albeit unfriendly, atmosphere that was Gryffindor Tower. "I have, Lily. I have indeed. You are completely fascinating, though I doubt you acknowledge that as a compliment," he drawled. "Nevertheless, I am here to offer you a solution to your nightmares; to offer you your inner most desire."

"And- and what would that be?" Lily asked; trying and failing to sound disinterested. She noticed Lucius retained one of his knowing smirks, as if he knew that her interest had been piqued. Some part of her begged her to turn and run now that they were stood several feet apart, but try as she might she was unable to move her feet. It was as if she had a full body bind placed on her, only she knew very well that this wasn't the case. The fact was the other part of her wanted to listen to the Slytherin's offer, despite the high pitched alarm that was going off inside her head; warning her that he was about to corner her and strip her of dignity.

"I can offer you _friendship_, I can offer you _protection, _I can offer you a shoulder to cry on when you need it. I can be your best-friend, I can be your-" he paused letting his eyes flick over her, "_lover_. I can offer you a cure for your nightmares. I can make all the bad things in your life disappear, Lily. I can stop the hurting, the wanting. I can make people respect you with a click of my fingers, I can make your life so much better, I can make you into what you want to be." His voice was a whisper again, but the warmth that it contained puzzled her and the alarm dimmed somewhat.

It was as if Lucius Malfoy was trying to be benevolent, offering her all of this, all of her heart's desires. It was tempting, oh-so tempting for her to grasp and take selfishly. She wanted it, she had daydreamed of such things, but she had never thought it possible for someone to come and offer it to her on a platter. A shiny silver platter.

"Why are you doing this?" she stammered after a long stretch of silence.

As if expecting her to question him Lucius walked over to her and took her hand in a gentle manor, one she had never seen him display before even with his many girlfriends. "I'm doing this because I want to," he murmured, placing a small kiss on the back of her hand.

Lily jerked her hand back and looked at him strangely. "I need to go," she said decisively, finally finding her feet. "I need to go and- and..." She tapered off, unsure of what exactly she was going to go and do. The major essay for Professor McGonagall seemed very insignificant to her at this point. "Think," she murmured and turned to him. "I need to go and think. I-I don't know what you're trying to do, Lucius. I don't know what catches you have, or whether this is some cruel joke you and your Slytherin friends have planned, but I need to go and think."

"I can assure you, Lily, my intentions are purely with your best interests at heart. This is not a joke, nor are there any catches. I cross my heart and hope to die," he said lithely, making a cross over his heart with his finger. Lily stared at him momentarily, drinking up his words with some sort of feverish joy, although she restrained her outward sentiments with a hard pinch to skin on her wrist. She then nodded slightly and once again began to make her way towards the castle; this time turning to look back at the solitary figure of Lucius Malfoy being enveloped in the darkness as it crept in like a sheet being dragged over the sun.

Lily reached Gryffindor Tower just in time for curfew. She muttered the password to the Fat Lady, who made a snide remark about her flushed and dishevelled appearance. Lily nettled at what the portrait seemed to be implying. Sex and snogging in broom closets was the last things on her mind; she had other more pressing things to deal with, namely the incident that had just occurred.

She continued to hurry up towards her dormitory, ignoring some of the malevolent looks that were sent her way and the shriek of laughter coming form Yvonne Griffiths, one of the girls she had to share a dormitory with. Lily took the stairs up to the dormitory two at a time, her mind replaying parts of the conversation Lucius had with her. Bursting through her dormitory door she headed straight for her bed, yanking open the curtains and throwing herself on her bed, glad to be out of sight and relatively safe from derogatory comments.

* * *

An hour later and she was sitting cross-legged on her bed, both her robes and shoes discarded. Her elbows were resting on her knees and her fists were kneading her temples as she sat there in complete silence. With a sigh she opened her eyes and stretched her legs out, feeling the blood rush into her feet with a surge, the sensation of pins and needles was an uncontrollable side effect from her sitting cross-legged.

Lily was slowly coming to the conclusion that Lucius Malfoy was deranged, even more so then she was. It seemed highly improbable that he had done it '_because he wanted to'_. She knew Slytherin's to be devious, cunning sods, who'd do anything to reach their goals. Anything. She just wondered what Lucius Malfoy's goal might be. Though, when she examined it more closely she could clearly remember some sort of sympathy in his voice, some sort of—

"He's adorable, Yvonne! You should bite the bullet and ask him out already, it's like a done deal." The door of the dormitory had been pushed open and the sound of the four other Gryffindor girls traipsing in, interrupted Lily mid thought. _Sincerity, somesort of sincerity._

"I know," she heard Yvonne say in a smug voice and she could just imagine the other girl's flippant smile. "But, I don't want to appear desperate, do I? I mean come on, it's _James Potter_. I can't ask him out, I want him to do the running! Much better for my reputation, don't you think?"

The other girls agreed simultaneously and Lily bit back the urge to laugh. They were so trivial, so insignificant in the line of things. Their lives consisted of whom they could go out with next and then school, in that priority. It made her feel vaguely nauseous.

"Did you see the state Evans was in when she came in?" Yvonne sniggered. Lily balled her fists. Apparently Yvonne seemed to think that because her hangings were closed it meant that she was asleep, there again she was a spiteful bitch-Lily had first hand experience of that- and she could just be trying to get a rise out of her on purpose.

"She is in the room," one of the other girls remarked. Lily recognised the voice as Samantha's, one more for grades then boys, but still the latter inclined.

"So? She's probably asleep," Yvonne said. "But did you _see_ her? She looked like she'd been shagging someone in a broom closet." Lily grimaced and ground her teeth. It was exactly what she needed, a rumour about her shagging someone in a broom closet. No matter what she seemed to do, no matter how withdrawn she became they couldn't stop with their petty rumours and gossip. She hated it. She didn't want attention like that brought on her.

A laugh went up around the room and Lily began to tremble with a suppressed rage, like a pan of water simmering with its lid on. She felt like ripping open her hangings and screaming at them to shut up, they didn't know anything about her; nothing at all. The chatter died away not more then twenty minutes later as one by one they dropped into slumber, their dreams probably filled with their wildest sexual fantasies much to Lily's disgust.

Lilydrew back the hangings and slipped on a pale blue dressing gown.She could hear the steady breathing of the girls as they slept, the occasional snore coming from the bed nearest the window. Silently she opened the door onto the spiral staircase and headed for the bathrooms. Down three floors and onto a small landing were there were two oak doors opposite each other, one for the boys and the other for the girls. She pushed open the girls' door and entered. The bathroom was communal, the toilets at one end, wooden shower stalls at the other. Sinks were placed along one wall, and wooden lockers parallel. The baths were through a separate door and down another flight of stairs.

Lily crossed the floor the cold tiles chilling her feet, which made a little slapping noise as she walked. She reached the lockers, drifting to the one that had her initials on it. Taking out a small key she unlocked the _anti-alohomora_ lock, pulling open the wooden door. She reached inside and withdrew a small tin, the contents rattled. As quietly as she could she removed the lid, making the mistake of leaving it perched on the inside of her locker. It fell and made a deafening _clang_ as it landed on the floor.

"_Fuck_," Lily muttered, picking it up and placing it back from where it had fallen. She returned her attention to the inside of the tin and smiled slightly, thinking it odd how just the sight of a sharp blade could make her grin so widely. Perhaps it was because she knew what was coming, how the numbness would spread through her as she made incisions to her body.

Her fingers enclosed around the thin metal strip, glimmering in the torchlight and she removed it from its resting place. Replacing the lid and the tin, she made sure her locker was secure before flitting across the bathroom and to the toilet stalls, shutting and bolting the door with nimble fingers.

She put down the toilet lid, creating a place for her to sit and then shrugged off the dressing gown. She was left in a thin cotton top and matching trousers, hurridly she slipped one arm out of its sleeve. Dark purple marks littered pale skin, like islands in the middle of the ocean. Newly formed scabs had appeared in streaks, crusting over and itching slightly. Concentrating Lily trailed the blade between the marks, trying to find fresh skin to cut. She found it, a small area previously untouched by any sharp implement and strangely bare to her eyes. A wave of excitement shot through her and she let out a small maniacal giggle.

She cut vertically, slashing instead of drawing it slowly across her skin, she found it made a deeper cut and the pain was far more enjoyable. She watched in vague amusement as blood blossomed in beads, slowly merging together and making a trail down towards her elbow. She cut again and again and again, pausing in-between each slash and watching the progress of the blood dribbling down her arm, roping its way around. _Pretty_ she mused, as it reached her hand and as she moved her arm to look at her fresh cuts the droplet twisted curling round little finger. _Pretty._

Few thoughts of Lucius Malfoy and his proposition were left inside Lily's head as she lost herself in a familiar routine, a routine that offered her the comfort that she couldn't get from anybody else. _Perhaps Lucius Malfoy wasn't as disturbed as she was after all._

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** Review, pretty please? I'll give you cookies and a rubber duckie ;)


	2. The Prophet Said

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing you recognise. Anything you don't recognise is most likely to be from my twisted imagination and therefore should not be taken.

**Summary:** Lily Evans is a sixth year plagued by insecurities and the ever-growing instability of her mind. When Lucius Malfoy makes her an offer that she simply can't refuse, she unwittingly involves herself in a far more sinister plot. No Lu/L, eventual LJ pairing.

**A/N: **I like this chapter, it contains a lot of foreshadowing material and although it's taken me a bit to write, I liked writing it immensely. Yvonne is by far one of my favourite OC's that I've created, which took me as a surprise. Review responses at the bottom. Enjoy!

**The Road I'm On**

**Chapter 2:**_ The Prophet Said_

_By Gulldara_

"_Run, run, as fast you can, you can't get away from the gingerbread man." _

_The children were singing, their voices loud inside her head. The sounds of footsteps on the gravel path behind her caused Lily to whirl around, eyes wide with alarm. There was no one there, but she was sure, she was certain that she had heard footsteps, hadn't she? Lily looked to the grove trees lining the drive, peering at them through obscured eyes. She walked a little way down the track, fear setting in as the footsteps started up once more._

_The children were singing again, their voices raised and more demanding, almost shouting. "Run, run as fast as you can, you can't get away from the gingerbread man!" Lily stumbled up the drive, the gravel crunching under her feet, her breath coming in shuddering wheezes. _

_Footsteps. Singing. Footsteps. Singing. Footsteps. Singing._

_Lily began to run. She needed to find the children; she needed to stop them before it was too late. _Too late for what, though?_ She could not fathom the reason why, it had just appeared, as if mechanically placed in her head. The footsteps were pursuing, pounding down the gravel drive, spurring her to run faster._

_Lily let out a small gasp. The grove trees had come to an end and in their place were great sweeping lawns, stretching across the width of a large Victorian manor house covered in wall climbers. She could see the children playing on the steps that led up to the grand entrance, their small bodies and faces indistinct, hazy at the edges. This was an unimportant factor. She had to stop them and their song, she had to silence their incessant chanting before it was too late and all was lost. What exactly the loss was, Lily didn't know, all she knew was that if they continued with their song it would only bring about a great evil and terrible sense of loss._

_The footsteps were directly behind her. She started towards the children, racing across the lawn, positive that her chaser would have to stop for breath at some point. They did not, instead becoming more relentless in their quest to hunt her down._

_The children were dancing in circles, much like she remembered doing when she had been a child herself, partaking in Ring Around the Rosy. She slowed as she approached them, casting a fearful look behind her. Still no one. _

_Looking back towards the children Lily found view blocked by a mass of black clothing, covering a chest that did not seem to be rising or falling with breath. Slowly, very slowly, her heart pounding wildly in her chest and her breaths coming in shallow pants she tilted her head up. _

_She screamed, floundering backwards and tripping up as the tall figure advanced on her, the flesh on his face half hanging away, looking as if untoward creatures had bitten it off._

"_There's a good girl," he rasped. "Such a good girl."_

* * *

Lily found her eyes slide out of focus as Professor Flitwick went into elaborate detail on the Bubble-Head charm, conducting the chalk to write out the specific wand movements and underline which syllables to stress in the incantation.

Charms was one of Lily's favourite lessons, she would even go as far to say she had an aptitude for it. Usually she would sit by herself on the left-hand side of the classroom, leaving the popular people to take the spaces at the back and the more attentive students the seats at the front. Today, however, as she walked into the classroom she had found Yvonne and her gaggle of friends taking her normal place, much to her distaste. Sighing she had looked around for another, more appropriate place to sit where she could be ignorant and oblivious to the scornful wisecracks sent in her direction.

She had gone to bed at perhaps one or two in the morning and could vaguely remember stumbling up the spiral staircase slightly dizzy from blood loss, the world spinning like a merry-go-round. Only several hours later she had woken up drenched in a cold sweat, her cotton pyjamas sticking to her back and her breathing laboured after another one of her nightmares. It hadn't been as bad as the previous few, but Lily still found herself increasingly nervous and agitated as night fell.

Blinking, her eyes regained focus as she thoughtlessly dipped her quill into the ink and began to copy down the notes from the board. She could clearly hear Yvonne Griffiths and Samantha Milton holding a conversation about the next Hogsmeade visit, taking place the following weekend, and the low mumble of male voices from behind her. Her gaze flickered to the window and the grey clouds that had filled the sky, promising rain. There would be no going and sitting where she had been the previous night, that was almost certain.

Lily returned her attention to the board and then to her notes, checking to see if she had missed anything of importance. Deciding she hadn't and with less then ten minutes left until the end of the lesson, she took out a spare scrap of parchment and load her quill with the full intention of writing a short letter to her parents. She sat there, trying to come up with a decent way to start her letter, ink loaded quill poised a few millimetres above the parchment and a globule of ink forming at the nib. The seconds passed. The ink globule became bigger. Half a minute and she was still sat there, almost frozen in place. The ink globuledripped from the nib of her quill and onto the parchment, blotting.

The longer she was sat there, trying in vain to come up with reasons why she should bother, the more ridiculous writing to her parents seemed.

Writing to them was like writing to a brick wall. They didn't ignore her per say, but she wouldn't call them the most attentive parents in the business. The fact that her letter would only contain a few lines about her well being and classes seemed to make it even more nonsensical. It would be two lines of lies, after all.

From past experience she could just imagine the sort of reply she would receive; her mother lecturing her about not using recycled paper and her father disappointed she hadn't made it into an essay, both contradicting each other spectacularly. She had always pondered what exactly had brought her parents together and why on Earth they had stayed together for so long. They had their quarrels andquite a few of them when she thought about it. They were two polar opposites, yet they had one thing that Lily had yet to experience in any degree and it was this that had kept them together, or so she supposed.

Love. They were in love and had been for the last twenty-three years, and that, that was what had kept them together. Above everything- all the arguments over both trivial and important things- the thing that was important was love, and her parents seemed to have a lot of it. Lily had never experienced love in any form.

She had been kissed before, by a boy who had been a lot older then herself at the time. It had been a fairly enjoyable experience, granted, but there had been nothing there. Nothing. And Lily was almost a hundred percent certain that she would end up as a spinster, living alone in a cottage by the sea and sewing in front of a raging fire. She would die peacefully, perhaps in her sleep, or in a Muggle nursing home. She didn't expect to have any children and was certain that her and Petunia would remain uncommunicative through out their separate lives.

That was the life Lily saw herself having and she didn't expect it to change. Love was only a fantasy for her.

Slowly she put her quill down and began to pack away, screwing the scrap of parchment up. The bell rang loud through the classroom, signalling the end of the school day for students and the start of a period whereby most of them headed back to their respective houses to get changed. Lily picked up her duffel bag and swung it over one shoulder, tugging distractedly at her robes, which appeared to have become slightly wonky over the past hour or so.

A little slower and less eager to hasten back to the imprisonment of Gryffindor tower, Lily dawdled at the back of the class, waiting for the bottleneck of Advanced Charms students to clear before she left.

She was a little sickened to see Yvonne Griffiths standing outside the classroom, apparently waiting for her. Her arms were folded across her chest and a small simpering smile playing on her face. "Evans," she said, with a little nod. Lily tilted her head in acknowledgement and stepped away, determined that she should get back to Gryffindor Tower unscathed. "Wait!" Yvonne said, her folded arms now by her sides. "I was wondering if I could have a little word with you."

Pretentious. The one word that summed up Yvonne before anything else. She was far too brash and forward for Lily's liking and the way she treated her friends- scornfully; lacking any real conviction when she complimented them- something Lily hated. She was fake. She treated people differently when she was having a direct conversation with them, to when she was talking and laughing about them behind their backs. Two-faced. Lily shifted the strap of her bag on her shoulder, conscious of the dangerous edge Yvonne had in her voice. Finally she nodded, her heart starting to pound wildly in her chest.

Confidently Yvonne took her by her elbow, squeezing it a little harder then was necessary and making her wince as her thumb pressed against a series fresh cuts. Lily was in half the mind to shake the taller girl off her, but it didn't seem a wise move to upset someone who already seemed a little more then pissed off, for one reason or another.

They were heading through a crowd of third years when Yvonne abruptly steered her to the left, into a more or less deserted corridor. It was then that she let Lily go and stood there staring at her like she was something nasty that she had found under her shoe. There was a momentary silence where Yvonne glanced around, making sure they were completely alone and Lily berated herself on why, exactly, she had succumbed to Yvonne's wishes to speak with her.

"Do you know who I like, Evans?" she asked, her voice cool and collected.

Lily frowned. This wasn't the sort of conversation she had expected. Deciding it was best to pretend she didn't know anything about Yvonne's personal life, for fear of Yvonne's reaction when she realised that Lily knew a fair amount about her, she shook her head mutely.

Yvonne stared at her hard and then nodded slightly. "Fine. I like James Potter, Evans. But that's beside the point, really. The point is I don't trust you as far as I could throw Peter Pettigrew. You're too-" she paused, " too _quiet_ for your own good."

By this point Lily was confused. She had no clue as to where Yvonne seemed to be going with the conversation, but was highly aware at her ability to make her feel insignificant and worthless. Perhaps it was partially her own fault that she was too quiet, but she liked it that way. The less noticeable she was, the better. She had imagined being popular many times, but each time she could alsoimagine all her secrets and personal life being spread around the school and eventually becoming what she was now. In her own opinion it was just easier to miss out the part where everybody knew everything there was to know about her and proceed straight to being the quiet loner thateverybody considered her as.

"I don't see where this is going," Lily said, surprised at her own frankness and curious as to what Yvonne was actually trying to get at.

The taller girl stiffened and let out a small, cold laugh. "Well, then. Let me tell you. I like James; I like him a lot. And I won't let anything get in the way between me and him being together. Are you beginning to see what I'm getting at, Evans?"

Lily slowly nodded. Yvonne didn't want anything to get in the way between her and James. The only plausible reason why she could be talking to her was because Yvonne saw her as some unforeseen threat that she wished to eliminate, whether Lily liked James Potter or not. She could see that now, but couldn't help wonder why Yvonne was so bothered if she just considered her as a quiet girl who was easy to pick on.

"I don't like him," she said quickly.

"And you better not," Yvonne retorted, eyes flashing and fists curling. "He's mine. I don't care where you were last night, but if I find you were doing things in broom closets with James there will be hell to pay, Evans," she snarled, her face only a few centimetres from her own.

"I don't like him," Lily repeated, her voice wobbling slightly with uneasiness. She hated confrontations.

"Good, otherwise I'll make your pathetic life-"

"Now, now Griffiths," a smooth voice came from behind them. "That's not a very nice way to treat your peer, is it?"

Yvonne's mouth was set in a thin line as Lucius Malfoy walked towards the pair with his hands shoved casually in his pockets. Lily could safely say that she had never been so glad to see the seventh year Slytherin in all her life. His offer from last night came to the fore of her mind, echoing around in her head. She was suddenly more inclined to take him up on it, whether it was because he had just turned up when things could have got pretty nasty between the two went undecided in her mind. All she knew was some sort of elation had come across her now that he was here. She felt almost protected, for once.

"Malfoy, this is a small matter between Evans and me," Yvonne said, sure-footedly. "Now if you'd like to leave then we can finish and get on with whatever we want to do this evening."

Lily glanced uneasily at Yvonne, who had achieved a red tinge in her cheeks. "I'm warning you, Evans," she hissed, ignoring Malfoy's presence. "You stay away from him! You don't interfere! Don't even speak with him, not that he'd speak to you, but still," she spat angrily.

"That's quite _enough,_ Griffiths," Malfoy snapped, drawing his wand from his robe pocket. "Now run along. I want a word with Evans. I'm sure you can finish whatever it was you were _discussing_ later." He turned his head and nodded to Lily. "Coming, Evans?" he asked.

Lily felt a rush of gratitude towards Lucius and practically skipped over to him, eager to get away from Yvonne. Malfoy smiled and turned his back to Yvonne now that Lily was within proximity of him. Lily cast a small glance back over her shoulder and saw Yvonne standing there with a stunned expression on her face. She highly doubted that Yvonne Griffiths had ever been told off in such a manor that Lucius Malfoy had just used.

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Lily finally spoke, something she guessed that Lucius had been waiting for. "Thank you, for you know, stepping in," she said awkwardly, not used to thanking anyone for doing her favours, partially because nobody ever did _her_ any favours.

"Griffiths has been a pain in your side since you started Hogwarts," Lucius commented dryly. "She ought to be careful who she starts raging about." Lily was dumbfounded and overwhelmingly curious as to where, exactly, he got all of his information about her from.

"I s'ppose," Lily said, at a loss for what to say.

Lucius stopped brusquely and in a very business-like manner said, "Have you had anymore thoughts on my- ah, little proposition?" His eyes gleamed.

Lily sighed, wishing that she had spent a little more time thinking about the subject. She knew that for anybody else it would be an easy decision to make, for her, however, it was the opposite. She had tried to make a list in her head last night of all the advantages and disadvantages Lucius's proposition had, but hadn't been able to get very far. The question she was now asking herself was _whether it was worth it. _

Lily wasn't stupid and knew that taking up such an offer would affect her present situation. For a start the Gryffindors that had previously avoided saying anything to her would probably be promoted into doing so, for her involvement with a Slytherin. She wasn't sure she could handle much more abuse from her peers, especially since Lucius couldn't protect her when she was inside Gryffindor Tower.

"I-I don't know," she said perilously, afraid of his reaction. Indeed he let out a menacing growl of frustration.

"It isn't hard; either a yes or a no," he said forcefully, as if battling with himself to remain in control of his temper.

Lily swallowed, licking her lips. He was right, it wasn't a hard decision. That was something she already knew. To her, though it was a decision that would sacrifice everything. Her walls and fortress were strong inside her mind, but these would soon crumble if she let him in. They would crumble under the pressure her fellow Gryffindors would, almost certainly, place on her. She could see the ultimatums, the shouting, and the violent threats already. It was something that she dread every waking hour.

The Sorting Hat had chosen to place her in Gryffindor and that had puzzled her. She wasn't brave and she hardly had the traditional morals of a Gryffindor. Still, it wasn't her place to question such a hat. She sighed, staring out of the window they had stopped by. She could almost see the Quidditch Pitch from where she was, and tiny blurs as one of the house teams practised for the up coming season. Yvonne's speech to her drifted into her mind and she recollected the feeling she had felt when Malfoy had stepped in. It had made her feel… well, it was indescribable. For once in her years at Hogwarts she had felt protected and safe. Something she hadn't felt in a long time. It was a nice feeling and she knew that deep down she wanted to feel it again.Standing before her was the one person who could make it happen, effortlessly.

In a moment of recklessness and want, Lily gave a small nod. "Yes," she said almost breathlessly, a concealed excitement washing over her like a warm breeze.

Lucius smiled more to himself then to her but in that moment she was too caught up in the emotions she was feeling to care. "Good," he said softly. "Very good."

* * *

**A/N: **Rubber duckies and cookies still on offer, everybody needs a) something to eat and b) something to keep them company in the bath :P Review, pretty please? 

**forsakenphoenix1**- I can understand you being thrown, but I'm glad it didn't make you think any less of this as a story. I'm glad you think it has the potential to be a unique story, I hope so too. Thank you so much for reviewing- cookie and a rubber duck for you.

**AdiaxX- **I can assure you it won't become another sappy cutter fic, it's more of a background theme through out the story; you'll see mentions of it, perhaps the odd scene, but it really doesn't come to the foreground when we get onto the juicer bits. Lusty!James has always been somewhat of a pet peeve for me, but my James will be making and appearance within the next few chapters. Thanks for your review!

**Sugar Q**- I hope I get a few reviews, too. A girl can dream. I'm really surprised that you think I have Lucius as perfection, I wasn't sure about him personality wise, but if you like it then it's all good. Thank you for reviewing, it made me smile.

**Liz-** Thank you! Glad you like it and the rubber duckies and cookies, too. Really pleased that you think I did a good job on the first chapter, can the same be said for the second one?

**mrsjesspotter-** Hey there, it's my pleasure to provide readers with rubber duckies and cookies. :grin: Ah, all in good time. James will be appearing within the next few chapters. I wouldn't say Lucius makes Lily any more popular, but he does provide her with a few things that she needs. Thanks for reviewing!

**anniePADFOOT- **I swear I'll find someway to send you them. I've already got an idea. ;). Lucius does rock, majorly. I've discovered a whole new love for him. Now, you know your opinion of Lily counts a lot to me. You really can't stand mary-suishness, so hearing that she's realistic is like music to my ears.

**AnotherDreamer- **I definitely am continuing, definitely, definitely continuing. Really glad you like it so much; the comment about grammar and spelling really made my day, it used to be terrible, probably still is but, heh. Thank you for reviewing!

**hazy dayz- **Thank you for the compliment! The rubber duckie idea came out of the blue, but I think it's a unique offer, wouldn't you agree? ;)

**Talon-** It's here, I swear! Glad you think it's going to be awesome, I hope so too. Thank you ever so much for reviewing!

**starburst1237-** The last thing I want to happen, and I shall try my hardest from keeping it going down the cheesy road. You know your opinion means a lot to me, being an author I admire greatly. Can I expect updates soon:grin:

Just remember: reviews make me happy, happiness makes me want to write, which in turn means you get an update quicker. Also, those cookies and rubber duckies are still looking for homes! ;)


End file.
